Gem Magazine: November; Leaning into fear

Too afraid even to focus on this, on Gem. I’d say great for November issue, but absolutely paralysed with fear in real life.

November 1st: scared as f***. It’s the unknown again, that is the most scary. (11am)

Angry as hell. But powerless. A great combo; being powerlessly angry. (2pm)

Do you remember that one Tuesday on living 5am.s for a week -post? In where I almost ruined the 5am week for getting shocking (x 5) news. Well, right at the start of November nevertheless! I had a meeting with the person who handles this, the one who sues me and one other person to court. Yep check ✔

Mind you now, that was just the 1st, it’s going to get a lot worse from there on.

~Elon Musk – failure: “Failure is an option here. If things are not failing, you are not innovating enough.”~

November 2nd. A call – scareness level: 80%. It’s quite fine 1min in.

☆Chakra most affected for self esteem: ROOT

Chakras (or energy centers) are a crucial part of yoga, ayurveda and other old medical fields. Plus the future Bookshelf book: Dr. Joe Dispenza – he calls them more like energy centers.

Google: ‘Which chakra is blocked by stress and panic attacks?

The root chakra is connected to the adrenal medulla, the inner part of the adrenal gland that’s involved in the fight-or-flight response. “Feeling unsafe and in fear for your life… will shut down the root chakra, blocking any movement of energy from the root chakra through the body.’

Noah is afraid of things like any kid is. Last summer he hung on to me for dear life for number of reasons: from scary sounds of working trucks far away to being deadly afraid of a gas station. All the noise of it; people, cars, motorcycles etc.

It’s quite energy draining to carry a child all the while confirming them. Even though things are scary, that’s how you know which direction to go. Back to safety or to the fear? (To the fear!) For the gas station part, we went to it, but quite soon focused his interest on trucks and busses. That did the trick!

There was a pothole on the ground, which his grandpa was telling him not to drive (a little moped) into. It got filled. So it’s now a steady ground. That doesn’t matter to Noah, every time he purpously stops at the filled pothole. And I thought, that.. that thought process is exactly right, if a downhill suddenly occurs then better to stop there and learn.

I’ve couple of friends who I admire (along with the rest) for their courage. One moved all across the globe while didn’t know anybody, and has built a life there. Other is just letting the work take the lead, without a family of their own. Both cases show an absolute strength and willpower.

November 9th: women we are more run by hormones than men are. So 9th is one of those “should be napping my ass off” -days for me. 100%.

To actually leave my cocoon by 8am, knowing that today’s going to be 120% on the go, is a no no. And felt kind of victorious in the late evening when got back to my cocoon again, tired af + wiped.

From that day I’m still cooperating from. It was exactly heaven and hell. Or hell and heaven, because the hell part was first. And I thought thank the lord for having bad news first and then the good news!

After this I couldn’t even remember the 1st day and the law-stuff. Now, I’m trying to explain this as non-medically as I can. In DNA there’s one protein, that can tell pretty much your future. Your future illnesses etc. I went to see that doctor who specialises in genes.

Wow okay, struck down..! Understanding a bit how the DNA molecule works. The doctor said that some people doesn’t even want to know this stuff, but hey of course it is I, Jojo. So they’ll take it, normally from a blood sample, and send it to Germany. In there is a lab that specialises in these DNA bits. Yeah, that was kind of shocking. It was the hell part.

The heaven part was the newest Tesla.💫

What do you do today that’s scary?

X Johanna

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